SAY IT AINT SO, MICHAEL

Longtime readers of this blog will know that I’m a big fan of British politics, specifically, Prime Minister’s Questions as aired on C-SPAN each week. It is wonderful political theater.

But to be honest, I haven’t tuned in for a while. Gordon Brown just isn’t as interesting to watch as Tony Blair was. Brown just isn’t as quick with his words and doesn’t seem to enjoy the verbal joust as much as Blair did. So I tune in last week and...holy crap... it’s a bloodbath over there!

Since I stopped paying attention, there has been a political scandal involving the expense reports of members of Parliament (MPs). From what I gather, the MPs have been too chicken to give themselves raises over the past few decades. So instead, they’ve developed an elaborate system that allows them to claim all sorts of expenses for items like second homes and moat cleaning (really).

A British newspaper, The Telegraph, has spent the last four weeks publishing lists of outlandish expenses claimed by MPs over the years. Not surprisingly, the British public hasn’t taken too kindly to these revelations and has demanded someone’s head on a pike.

What they got was Common’s Speaker Michael Martin. He’s not accused of doing anything wrong, but his role in the Parliament was to keep track of expense rules in the like. So he’s resigned effective a little bit later in the month.

You may think I’m joking when I say this, but I’m really upset that Martin is leaving the Speaker’s chair. For years, I’ve seen him work as basically the on floor referee during heated debates, and he’s always struck me as a decent and fair guy.

But the most important reason I’m sad Michael Martin won’t be Speaker has to do with his accent. That man has an amazing Scottish accent. And it’s his job to call out everyone’s name who is going to speak. I hardly ever understood what he was saying, but I loved it all the same.

So Martin’s on his way out , but it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop there. There’s blood in the water and I don’t think the British public will be happy until Gordon Brown is unemployed. I see that he’s survived the most recent call for his ouster, but I don’t think it will be enough. I will pass through London’s Heathrow airport in late July. I doubt Brown will be Prime Minister when I pick up a paper there.

Furthermore, it seems almost inevitable that Conservative leader David Cameron will be PM by the end of the year. Gordon Brown’s people keep saying that the country is in a crisis, and the best people to get out of the crisis are the people that got into it in the first place. That an argument that didn’t work for the Republicans here last year, and I doubt it will do Labor much good in the UK.

If you’re a nerd, it’s all pretty interesting stuff. And for once, it’s nice to be able to view a political mess from the sidelines rather than right in the thick of it.

Fight on, Limeys!

IT BEGINS

I was sitting in a sandwich shop having lunch with a British woman when she hit me with this question:

“Do you consider yourself patriotic?”

At that moment, it was kind of a loaded question. We were in Washington DC, about two blocks from the White House. As a matter of fact, you could actually see the presidential residence if you stepped outside the front door of the restaurant. It was March of 2003, and the US was just a few hours away from invading Iraq.

About an hour earlier, my friend and I were sitting in a room of aspiring journalists who were arguing about the legitimacy of the inevitable invasion. Things got pretty heated, and those of us who opposed the invasion were asked by others if we really loved America.

So away from the shouting, the lone Brit in our fellowship group asked me if I thought I was patriotic. I paused for a long time and tried to stammer out an answer. It went a little something like this:

“Well, it depends on what you consider patriotic. Right now patriotism seems to mean unthinking acceptance of anything the government does. People who call themselves patriotic are using chants of ‘U-S-A, U-S-A’ as code for ‘shut up.’ So if that’s patriotism, then I guess I’m not patriotic.

“But if questioning your country when it’s doing something you think is wrong is patriotic, then I guess I qualify. If I didn’t care anything about this country, then I wouldn’t care if it invades Iraq. But I do…”

And on and on it went. It was a complex, long winded reply and I never really answered the question. But it was hard back then. Hard to be proud of what our nation was doing.

On Tuesday, the answer was clear, I’m a patriot. I sat watching the crowds on the National Mall and on the parade route and I was moved. I listened to Obama’s inaugural address and heard a vision of an America I want to live in. I saw Obama and his wife walk down Pennsylvania Avenue and was struck by how excited people were to be starting a new era.

So today I’m proud to be an American. I’m not naive, though. I know that we have the same problems we did yesterday. I know that Obama is not going to be a perfect president and he’ll likely say and do things that disappoint me. I know he can’t solve all of our problems with the stroke of a pen. I know the economy is probably going to get worse in the coming months.

And yet, despite all that, I’m left with a (sorry to use the word again) hope that we’re going to start heading in the right direction. It’s nice to smile again when thinking about my country. I hope it lasts.

HOPING AGAINST HOPE

It’s finally here, the Bush era ends today and Obama will be sworn in as president at noon. I’ve been watching some of the images from Washington, and it’s hard not to be moved. People from all over are crowding onto the Mall to celebrate the inauguration. Many are young, some are old, lots of races are represented out there. Reporters are talking to people who have traveled halfway around the world to see this moment.

It’s a stunning scene. These are not good times. Our economy is teetering on the brink of a depression, we’re stuck in two long and costly wars, and if feels like we’ve lost our way as a country. Yet in the mall and in gatherings all around the world, there are smiles. Not just smiles, really, but excitement. And the very notion that there’s anything to be excited about is almost revolutionary.

So today, despite all the troubles we face in the nation and in the world, is a day to celebrate. A day to celebrate the peaceful transition of power (hey, we’ve handed over power 42 times without firing a shot, that seems worthy of a party). It’s also a day to celebrate our potential as a country and celebrate that we’re trying to get closer to that ideal. And, of course, it’s a day to celebrate the inauguration of a black president.

People around the world and at home thought we could never do it. They said America would never accept a black president. But here we are. It’s happening. And new polls say Obama is entering office with the highest approval ratings of any incoming president since they started keeping track of these things. That means Obama has won the approval of many people who didn’t vote for him.

The term “hope” almost became a cliché during the presidential campaign. But hope is exactly what I’m feeling right now. And just hours before he takes office, here’s hoping Obama takes good care of our country and inspires the rest of us to do the same.

MEASURING THE DRAPES

On Monday, President-elect Obama went to the White House for the first time since winning the election. News reports said Obama and President Bush talked about foreign policy and the economic crisis. Michelle Obama and Laura Bush reportedly discussed local schools and the challenges of raising children in the White House.

But I'm curious about the drapes, specifically the Oval office drapes, and whether or not Obama measured them.

A few days ahead of the election, John McCain accused Obama of prematurely measuring the drapes in the Oval Office. (He meant measuring the window for drapes, but that phrase just doesn't roll off the tongue.) As it turns out McCain was repeating a common cliche trundled out by politicians who are down in the polls. A fun exploration of the "measuring the drapes" jab can be found here.

But now it's not premature anymore. Obama has been elected president, so I guess it's time to choose some drapes. And it's unclear if Obama would want to keep the "antique" drapes Bush has had for the last eight years.

If you want to see the president give a seven minute tour of the Oval Office, you can find it on the White House website. It's surprisingly interesting. For instance, did you know that each incoming president gets to design a rug for the Oval Office? I didn't. Here's what Clinton did with the Oval Office...

And Regan's take on what is perhaps the world's most famous workspace...

The White House Museum website has more information on how different presidents have chosen to decorate the Oval Office.

I've gotten way off track here. So where was I? Oh yes, Obama was in the Oval Office for the first time, and he's already won the election. It seems like he could take a few moments, break out a tape measure and figure out what size drapes he needs to bring to the White House. No time like the present, right? It seems like it would be very inconvenient to send a decorator into the White House just to measure the windows for drapes.

The meeting lasted about two hours and Obama headed back to Chicago to spend the night. We may never know exactly what happened in that Oval Office meeting between Bush and Obama. There were no reporters or aides in the room. But if you hear that the President-elect pays a visit to this place tomorrow, I think you know what went down.

A MOMENT FOR McCAIN

In all the hoopla and analysis, let's take a moment to send some good thoughts John McCain's way.

In many ways, it's a shame to see what his campaign turned into. The plucky and fun insurgent campaign from 2000 became this bloated affair with no real direction.

Many years ago, I once thought McCain might make a good president, and eight years ago he may well have. But times changed, and McCain found himself on the wrong side of history. He's a decent man who loves his country, but it wasn't his time.

But McCain really did put Country First with his concession speech on Tuesday night. He was gracious and genuine in the face of what must have been a difficult defeat.

It's going to take a lot of work to repair the nation after eight very long, very bad years. It's going to take a president who is pragmatic and who represents everybody, not just the people who voted for him. It's also going to take people like John McCain who are members of the loyal opposition, but who are willing to build bridges across party lines.

Hearing McCain speak on Tuesday made me think we may have both of those elements in place this January.

HISTORY MADE

What a day. What a long and wonderful day. I'm home after covering the elections for about 12 hours and I saw more than a few things I didn't expect.

I was at the county elections office for about an hour this afternoon. There I saw people shouting and pumping their fists after they finished filling out their paperwork to fill out a provisional ballot. I saw people honk their horns and smile widely as they dropped ballots off. Saw the mailman beaming as he showed me a stack of ballots that people had sent via overnight mail (cost: $14).

When I saw how excited people were in a non-swing state to vote, I knew this race was all over. A few hours later, I was at the Democratic victory party in Ashland. The polls on the West Coast closed at 8:00. Moments later, the TV networks called the race for Obama. I saw hundreds of people stand up and shout. I saw many of them start crying. On giant projection screens I saw people dancing and cheering in Times Square, in front of the White House, and in Europe.

It was hard not to get swept up in it all. Hard not to think that you were seeing a moment that people will be talking about for generations.

In his moment in history, I see the seeds of greatness. We may have just elected a great leader, a transformational character in our history. This troubled time calls for greatness, and Obama may have what it takes.

Of course, there is always a chance we've just elected the second coming of Jimmy Carter. And even if he's not, it seems like it will be impossible for Obama to live up to the expectations placed on him in the US and by people around the world.

But what the hell. The American people have voted for hope, so I will offer a little hope myself tonight. So allow me to hope that Obama really is as good as everyone wants him to be. I'll hope that America has turned the corner on 16 years of divisive, wedge-issue politics. And I'll hope that, indeed, America's best days are in the future.

And in an age of fear, it's actually nice to hope, even if it is for just a few moments.

HERE AT LAST

It seemed like this day would never come, but here we are, it's election day. And while there is a lot of excitement about this day, I'd be lying if I said there was much drama. Only a few dozen people in New Hampshire have voted, but I can already make the call, and it's hardly bold: Barack Obama is the next president of the United States.

There, I said it. You don't have to be in the tank for Obama to look at the map and realize there's no way McCain can win this thing. The new winning strategy McCain's people keep forwarding has too many "ands" to be taken seriously. As in: "If the poll numbers are wrong AND the youth vote isn't as strong as predicted AND newly registered voters don't show up on Tuesday AND Pennsylvania goes our way AND we retain most of the Bush states, then we win."

In contrast, Obama's map is all about the "or." They can take Virginia OR Ohio OR Florida OR North Carolina OR a few Rocky Mountain states and win. The numbers just don't add up in McCain's favor.

Despite the fact that the outcome of the presidential race is all but certain, voter turnout here has been through the roof. Voting (like many other things) works differently in Oregon than elsewhere in the country. The elections office mails each voter a ballot about 17 days ahead of the election. Then the voter can drop their ballot in the mail or leave it in a drop box at the elections office.

As of Monday afternoon, more than 60% of voters in our country had returned their ballots. At times, traffic at the drop boxes was backed up for more than four blocks. I can only imagine what it's going to look like when the sun comes back up this morning.

And what it will look like this evening is history. And not that bad kind of history that keeps happening to us, but the good kind. The kind of history you brag about being a witness to, like the moon landing or the fall of the Berlin Wall. It's about time we had a little good history happening.

Good history isn't a guarantee of good times ahead. In fact, there are likely some very bad times in our immediate future. But for one day, I guess it's ok to steal away a small moment and smile.

THE WRONG PALIN

Ever since John McCain announced his running mate, I've had that sinking feeling that he had gotten the whole enterprise wrong.

I mean, Sarah Palin? Come on! If there are any Palins who should be our vice president, it should start with Michael. Known as the friendliest member of Monty Python, Michael Palin helped redefine sketch comedy in the 20th century. Later he became the host of numerous BBC travel shows and has circled the globe many times.

With just those two facts, Michael far outpaces Sarah in the race for vice president.

I have seen both Palins on Saurday Night Live, and there was no comparison. Michael triumphed, especially in his "feeding the fish" sketch. Sarah's appearance on SNL was nothing short of an abomination. That woman had no business walking the same stage where comedy legends like Gary Kroger once stood.

And with the travel shows, Michael Palin once again shows that he's got a lot more foreign policy understanding than Sarah.

Not surprisingly, I am not the first person to believe that McCain selected the wrong Palin for VP. A search on Google or YouTube for "Michael Palin for president" returns a lot of results. So I'll leave you with a video produced by the good people at michaelpalinforpresiden.com. I only wish I had thought up the idea first.

The photo of Michael Palin comes courtesy of Chipps and is used under a Creative Commons license.

FAROE FRIDAY: TROUBLE BREWING

This week's Faroe Friday post is all about beer. Well, kind of.

As I'm sure you all know, there is but one brewery on the Faroes, and they make Föroya Bjór, which I'm pretty sure literally means "Faroese Beer." This week, a member of the Faroese parliament introduced a bill that would allow the brewery to make a beer with more than 5.8% alcohol.

I'll be honest, I don't have a lot of experience with beer (none, as a matter of fact), so I had to do a little poking around the Internet to see if 5.8% was really all that much alcohol to begin with. What I've learned is that they measure alcohol in two different ways (by weight and by volume) and I can't make heads or tails of the thing. But I'm pretty sure 5.8% is a lot of alcohol by American standards.

So anyway, Föroya Bjór makes a beer that's 5.8% alcohol, and a lawmaker wanted to allow them to brew some stronger stuff.

Apparently, this didn't sit well with members of the "Centre Party." From what I can tell, the term "Centre" may be a bit of a misnomer. I'm told the Centre Party is actually pretty right of center and peopled by evangelical Christians. Something of a brouhaha broke out and names were called and some unwise words may have been spoken. I'm a little sketchy on all the details, so I don't want to be more specific. But suffice it to say, those Centre Party people are very much in favor of weak beer.

So it's unclear if the good folks at Föroya Bjór will be able to make a new brew to help the Faroese stay a little warmer during the fast-approaching winter.

This week's Faroe photo is of Klaksvík, where the country's only brewery is located. The photo was taken by a woman in the Netherlands called Sietse Snel. Sietse's hobby is to visit and photograph buildings before they are demolished. An example of some of that work can be found here.

POISONED BY THE PROCESS?

Back in 2000, I was watching the Democratic and Republican presidential primaries unfold and I had a wonderful dream. "What if," I thought, "John McCain and Bill Bradley won their respective nominations?" It was a long shot, but I couldn't help but dream. After all, Bradley and McCain were said to like each other, and both had agreed to certain spending limits and to running something other than the typical presidential campaign.

Instead, we got Bush and Gore and one of the most depressing election cycles ever... until 2004, of course.

But I kept thinking back to that dream matchup. If only two principled people could come together and have a real, thoughtful debate about the future of our country, then America would be the real winner.

In the last eight years, I've grown older and more crotchety. But I'll admit my foolish dream of 2000 was revived this year when McCain and Obama won their parties nominations. Here were two intelligent, principled people who want to lead our nation. Now we can have that awesome presidential campaign I'd always dreamed of. Untethered by the divisive politics of the past rooted in the culture wars of the 1960s, this campaign would be about the future and about how American can live up to the promise laid out in its founding documents.

The election is less than a month away, and I'm now willing to admit that I'm a complete idiot for ever thinking this election would ever be anything other than the depressing slog it has become.

McCain has Palin out saying that Obama is making herbal tea for the Talaban. Obama is preparing to run ads linking McCain to the Keating Five scandal and the Savings and Loan collapse of the late 80s. It's pretty much conventional wisdom that the campaign will become increasingly negative over the next four weeks.

So how did we get here? How did we start with two people who seem basically decent and end up with the exact brand of dispiriting bickering both promised to stop?

One idea is that the bubble of the campaign is so complete that candidates slowly lose touch with reality as the rest of us know it. Once these candidates get Secret Service protection, they're pretty much isolated from everyone except immediate family, campaign advisers, and crowds of security screened adoring fans. How can that not warp your view of the world? The campaign also allows candidates little time to do much other than campaign. Obama was mocked by some for saying he wished he had more time to think during the campaign, but there may be something to that.

Another factor may be the the permanent campaign infrastructure in Washington. Drifting around DC are political hacks who drift from campaign to campaign over the course of their careers. They're hired guns who supposedly have the know how to help a candidate win. But they also have their own agendas. Many get kickbacks for big television ad buys, and all are certain they know the way for victory in November. I'm told by someone who should know that there are some decent political operatives out there, but from what I can see, they tend to be sleazy lot. In seems like they've got the same depressing playbook, and they just plug new candidates into the formula (if I might mix my metaphors).

But there is, perhaps, another more depressing reason why the campaign is taking a dismal turn. Perhaps the very act of running for president is harmful to one's soul. When I was in Washington, a reporter who had covered many presidential campaigns said nobody can become president unless they want it more than anything in the world. Maybe all that desire whithers the spirit.

If that's the case, then I guess it's time to take a cue from "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy." In that world, anyone who had the desire to rule the galaxy was disqualified from having the job. And right about now, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

FAROE FRIDAY: CHANGES AT THE TOP

Two weeks ago Faroe Friday took a look at at a photo of the Faroese Prime Minister and concluded that he was in some trouble.

Today we learn that there has been a change in the Prime Minister's office. The dust has settled and the Faroe Island's new Prime Minister is Kaj Leo Johannesen. He's a young man, just 44, and he used to be a soccer player. Apart from that... well... I don't know all that much. His Wikipedia page just appeared this afternoon and I've pretty much shared all the information that can be found there.

Nothing is sourced on the page, but I was able to confirm that Johannesen did play on the national team. The Wikipedia page also says he, "got 4 full caps for the Faroes in 1991-1992." I have no idea what that means.

But no matter what a full cap is (holding the other team scoreless?), the political tension appears to have eased somewhat and everyone can go back to their fishing vessels.

This week's Faroe photo comes from, once again, Erik Christensen. It's an image of the shipyard at Klaksvik. As has been mentioned in this space before, Klaksvik is the Faroe's second city. It has a bustling nightlife, considering there aren't even 5,000 people living there. It's also home of the island's only brewery and a movie theater ("The Love Guru" will be playing there next week).

And we end this week's Faroe Friday by sending a special shout out to Faroe Man. His blog has been dormant for a number of reasons, but today I've learned that he's been pretty ill this week. So tonight we send love and prayers across the Atlantic with hopes of a full recovery soon. Hang in there, my friend.

THE GOVERNOR OF TEEN SOUTH CAROLINA?

I saw this hunk of video and I must say I found it quite chilling. Answers like this one make Dan Quayle look like an intellectual heavyweight. So watch this video (and the annoying 15 ad that precedes it) and join me a little further down the page...

Watch CBS Videos Online
This response bears a striking resemblance to a video that went viral last year. Now I'm not saying Ms. Palin's answer is this bad, but well...


And seeing as she mentioned more countries in her answer, I'm left with the impression that Miss Teen USA South Carolina has more foreign policy experience than Governor Palin.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

(Note: Faroe Friday has not been suspended, it has been simply been delayed until Saturday)

FAROE FRIDAY: SOMETHING'S AFOOT

While the there is financial and political turbulence here in the US, there's something brewing in the Faroe Islands as well.

I heard a little about it last week when someone I know in the Faroes told me about a spat over office space between two cabinet ministers. A day or so later, the prime minister fired four cabinet ministers and thus dissolved his ruling coalition.

The rest is kind of a mystery. I don't speak Faroese, and there is no English language news on the subject, but I think the Faroese prime minister may be embattled. The only evidence I have is the above photo. It was the lead photo on portal.fo. I can't read the article that accompanies it, but any time you have a photo of a politician opening a door and scowling while reporters try to take his picture... that's not a good thing.

So this week's highly informative Faroese news update is as follows: There is political upheaval in the Faroes right now, it may have started with an argument over office space, and the prime minister has been seen scowling in photos. Is that clear enough?

Ok, enough of that, here's a lovely photo:

This is Skansin Fort. It was built in 1580 to help protect the trading port of Torshavn. Indeed, soon after it was completed, word came that Turkish pirates had sacked a town on a southern island. The original fort didn't last long, it was a victim of French plundering in the early 1600s. According to the Bradt Guide, the French destroyed the fort "when their final demand for 100 oxen, 200 sheep, 500 pairs of gloves, 1,200 pairs of stockings, and 60 nightshirts couldn't be met by the people of Torshavn within the 12 hour deadline."

It has been said many times: foolish is the man who stands between a Frenchie and his stockings.

The fort is just across the water from the Faroese parliament. Perhaps the prime minister will have time to walk there and sort the (alleged) political mess out.

(And thanks, as always, to Erik Christensen for posting tons of great pictures that he allows folk like me to post.)

SUMMER VEEPTACULAR

It’s summertime and, with the exception of a few staff shakeups, a threatened castration, and a cartoon brouhaha, the presidential campaigns are in the doldrums.

To fill the time during the long summer months, the chattering classes and nerds alike spend their time wondering who the candidates will choose at their running mates. Everyone knows it’s extremely important to pick a good running mate. For example, in 1988, George H.W. Bush picked this complete dolt named Dan Quayle to be his vice president and… well… he got elected president anyway.

Ok, perhaps the choice of running mate isn’t that important after all. And for the most part, the job of vice president hasn’t been that important. It has tended to be a job handed over to drunkards, murderers, and… a possible lover to a future president? Indeed, one man to hold the second highest office in the land said the office wasn’t worth a warm bucket of piss.

But the office has changed over the last decade or so. Al Gore and Dick Cheney have both taken on policy making roles and have given the once lowly office unprecedented power.

I, for one, think this is wrong. So I’d like to announce my intention to run for Vice President of the Untied States. I’m no respecter of person or party. I would be pleased to serve as either Barack Obama or John McCain’s vice president as long as they agree with my vision of the vice presidency.

First and foremost, I do believe that the vice presidency is worth a warm bucket of piss. Perhaps two buckets when adjusted for inflation. Second, I believe that the framers of the Constitution designed the #2 spot in the government to be a dull and unimportant post and that the most current occupants of have betrayed that original vision.

I believe the vice president should attend funerals of foreign leaders, cast tiebreaking votes in the Senate, and make $175,000 per year. I have attended many funerals in my life, so I’m perfectly qualified to do that (I even have my own black suit). I have cast tiebreaking votes on several occasions. One such vote resulted in my wife and I eating at Red Robin. I currently have no experience in making $175,000 per year, but I am prepared to submit a detailed plan on how I would spend it.

The more I think of it, I really do think that the job of vice president is worth several buckets of warm piss. You get a very cool house on Massachusetts Avenue to live in, access to your own plane, and a good seat for the State of the Union address. Furthermore, some of those dead foreign leaders live in nice places. Why not make a 3-day weekend of it?

In terms of political assets, I will probably be able to deliver Oregon who whoever selects me, or at least several people in Oregon. Obama may want to select me because there’s slim chance I could deliver Utah. He’s polling better there than many had expected, and I’m Mormon. Everyone in Utah dreams of one day electing a Mormon vice president. But I know a lot of people in Utah, so that may work against me.

So I now await the call from either the Obama or McCain campaigns. If cost is a concern, I would agree to work for only $150,000. But I’ll require at least two extra buckets of warm piss in exchange.

BABIES ARE BACK

I have been criminally delinquent in my fatherly duties surrounding posting pictures of the little guys here. So no more messing around, no more idle chat, here's some baby action. First up, Will sitting in the backyard on a chilly June afternoon.

And the same running through the backyard...And once again, Will standing in the backyard...How about Nate? Well, he spend some time standing in the backyard, too...And watching TVAnd walking around topless...But despite the fact that I haven't posted any baby photos here in about 3 weeks, that's just about our entire stock of new baby photos. Instead, the guys have caught the video bug. They love having videos of themselves taken. They really like watching them on TV. So here are some of the greatest hits. None are much longer than 30 seconds.

First up is one of a series of 8,000 videos in the "child tries to take camera" series. In this video... well... one of our kids tries to take the camera.

Even more popular is the video of them watching TV and trying to do the hokey pokey. In the post modern tradition, they actually prefer watching themselves watching the hokey pokey than actually doing the hokey pokey.

But none of these creations can possibly compete with "Downward Facing Baby." In this 30 second classic, Will does a yoga pose, then discovers there's a camera pointed at him. He promptly runs towards the camera. That's it. But when Nate and Will watch it, they can't stop laughing. And not just giggling, loud, raucous belly laughing. Then they ask to see it again. And as the 25 seconds pass until Will charges the camera, they titter with excitement until the payoff happens. It never gets old... for them anyway.

So please allow me to present... Downward Facing Baby...

IN IT TO WIN IT

Family, friends, assembled members of the press… I thank you for gathering here on this warm spring day when you could be doing so many other things. But given the historic events of this past week, I felt I needed to finally let all of you know what my future plans are.

As you know, last Wednesday afternoon, I purchased a $1 ticket for that evening’s Powerball lottery drawing. I chose the numbers 1-5-16-20 and 25. My Powerball number was 13. Some say that’s unlucky, but I have never been driven by focus groups.

The numbers drawn for the 15 million dollar jackpot were 3-9-14-17 and 25. The Powerball was 8. These were the numbers Randall Spaulding of Ashdown, Iowa drew. But you haven’t been paying attention to him over these past few days. Instead, you’ve been obsessed with me, and my reaction to Wednesday’s drawing.

These have not been an easy four days, but after consulting with my attorneys, my family, and the Multi-State Lottery Association, I have decided to respect the results of the Wednesday drawing and I now agree that the 15 million dollars should be paid to Mr. Spaulding.

Many supporters of mine will no doubt find his unfair. After all, I did choose the number 25. Twenty-five is a prime number, and in the drawing it occupies the important spot just after the “and.” Clearly that’s the kind of thing that should be considered when handing out the prize. Yes, the rules state that the person who chooses all the right numbers wins the prize. But I don’t think the people who made up the rules really foresaw this situation.

Furthermore, Mr. Spaulding is old aid frail and says he wants to blow a bunch of the money on a round the world cruise. I've got a few more years left to enjoy he cash and would find much more responsible things to do with the money. I've got a great idea about settng up a college savings account for my kids. But, again, I now realize tha Mr. Spaulding won fair and square and now truly believe he should be awarded the money. (Someone really should check up on him later this year and make sure he pays his taxes on his winnings. I've heard members of his church don't "believe" in taxes... that's just something I heard. It could be wrong... forget you ever heard it.)

So what’s next for me? I’m still looking at my future options, but there’s a good chance that Mr. Spaulding and I will reach an agreement soon, and he will help pay off most if not all of my gambling debts. Considering the harm he caused me by actually winning the lottery, it seems like the least he could do.

Thank you for bearing with me as I made my decision over the past few days. I never expected I’d be in this situation, and there really isn’t a precedent for this kind of thing… no example I could take from people who came before me. Please stay in touch and head on over to my website and make a donation if you can. I’ve got my eye on some of those new Rubik’s Cube scrachers.

MOVING ON

Hey Democratic Presidential Primaries, thanks for meeting me here. I know that we usually go to a more out of the way place, but I thought this lunch counter was a better way to go. It’s busy, but the food is really good. Do you want a sandwich? No? Just a Pepsi then?

You’ve got a funny look on your face, so I’ll just cut right to the chase: this just isn’t working for me anymore. Last year, when I heard about you, I was so excited. I’d never seen a primary season like you before and I could hardly wait to begin.

I know, I know. We had some fun. Iowa, eh? What a surprise! Obama and Huckabee? Oh man, what a time that was. Yeah, Super Tuesday was pretty fun, too. I’ll admit, I had a great time staying up with you and watching the returns coming in until the wee hours of the morning.

But then, something changed. I don’t quite know when it was, but somehow, you started acting differently. Pretty soon, we couldn’t even eat dinner without the conversation degenerating into, “Michigan this” or “Florida that.” And don’t even get me started on Mississippi. If all the black voters pick the black candidate and all the white voters choose the white candidate, that’s not a sign of change in the south.

And to be honest, the last month or two has been more than a little creepy. You’re all dark and moody. It’s like you’re not having fun anymore. And Puerto Rico? Did we really have to go there? You do know they’re not allowed to vote for president in the general elections?

I’m sorry. That was out of line. I don’t think you’re stupid, I just didn’t think before I spoke.

What? No. I’ve not been voting in any other primaries. Yes, the British bi-elections were interesting, but it’s not like I was voting or anything. I am not in love with them. The Mayor of London is the most powerful directly elected official in England, of course I found the race interesting. But I’m not… no… you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. Look, we’re getting way off track here. Even if I did vote in the British elections.. which I didn’t… this conversation is about us.

Here’s the thing, we just need to end this. I think that it would be better for both of us if we… oh don’t do that. Please… No, I don’t have a tissue, you can use these napkins. Do you want a refill on that Pepsi?

Ok, ok, how’s this. Let’s take some time off. And when we’ve cooled off, we can just be, you know, friends. But I’ll need a few months. Yes, yes, I’ll go to the convention with you. We’d always planned on going.

So, are we cool? I’d stay longer, but I promised the UEFA Football Championship I’d meet it at 6.

HILLARY CLINTON: PINING FOR THE FJORDS

God bless Dana Milbank.

He's just posted a campaign story about what surely are the last days of the Hillary Clinton campaign. He used one of the funniest Monty Python sketches ever to frame the story of Ms. Clinton's imminent demise.

One of the funniest pieces of political journalism I've read in years.

TURKEY RECAP: U.A.S.

What is a U.A.S., you ask? Why, it's the acronym all the cool kids use for "Ubiquitous Ataturk Statue." The UAS is, well, ubiquitous in Istanbul. I can be found in parks...

In government buildings...And most other public places.I'm told Ataturk is Turkey's George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson wrapped up into one. He created the modern Turkish state and kept the place from being carved up after World War I. So naturally, the man merits a statue that looks vaguely Soviet.(This picture was taken from a moving bus, so pardon the framing.)

Sometimes the UAS must be accompanied by another feature of Istanbul, the Ubiquitous Ataturk Picture...

Sometimes hey come with profound sayings...This one is from the Istanbul train station and I believe it says something like, "How joyful it is to be a Turk." (I'm sure Christina will correct me if I'm wrong.)

You'll notice that I'm not making a lot of pithy comments about the statue or much else in Turkey. You see, it's illegal to publicly denigrate Turkishness. A Nobel Prize winning Turkish author was arrested on an Article 301 charge a few years ago. So if this guy can't avoid prosecution, what chance do I have. But I have been looking for a way to get back to Turkey in the near future... perhaps this would be the way to go about it. Hmmmmm...

HARD WORKING WHITE AMERICANS

With the results of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries making Clinton's nomination all but impossible, I predicted Hillary would cancel her southern Oregon appearance. Once I learned she would be showing up, I knew I had to go.

(I'm not in that picture. I'm quite far away actually.)

I went because I was interested to see the end of something. I wanted to see what Hillary would say in the face of overwhelming evidence that her campaign was over. What do you tell a room full of supporters who know deep down inside that it's over? I decided I would find out.

The day started off grim for Hillary... in Oregon, anyway. She showed up to a VIP fundraiser 3 hours late. People payed $2,300 to attend the 30 minute event and they reportedly spent most of the time hanging around a sub-standard plate of snack food waiting for the terminally late candidate. Our coverage of the event included a Clinton campaign volunteer who had been given a comp ticket to the event. That's not a good sign.

Meanwhile, back at the venue of her evening rally, volunteers were busy removing chairs from the hall to make the room look more full.

Staffers also spent a lot of time shifting people around the room trying to make the room look better. It didn't really work. In the end, only about 500 people ambled into the venue that could hold about 1,100 people. There were even rumors floating around the room that Clinton would actually suspend her campaign at tonight's rally.

Then Clinton took the stage. The governor gave an almost manic introduction, then Clinton gave a loud and enthusiastic (and short) speech that essentially ignored the grim electoral math that faced her. She worked the crowd of hard working white Americans and vowed to keep fighting all the way to the White House.

As campaign rallies go, it was standard fare, and the crowd seemed pumped up and excited most of the time. But when Clinton hit the last note of her speech, people began heading towards the exits. Such events usually end with a Q & A session, but a large portion of the audience was already gone before it could happen.

The rally wasn't quite the swan song I thought it might be. But it was still a rare opportunity to see a candidate that probably doesn't have too many campaign stops before she hangs it up for the season.