THOSE HEALTH FILMS WERE RIGHT!

They used to show us those films when we were in the 9th grade. Two groovy kids like each other, and they start to get "involved." Before you know it, things get a bit "hot and heavy." Then, strange feelings, puking, and a trip to the doctor.

Then the doctor has a talk with the two young, attractive kids:

"I know you've told me otherwise, but I know the two of you have been having sexual relations. And I know this because Janet here is...

(cue music)

...pregnant!"

I didn't pay much attention to those films, but perhaps I should have. Because few years ago I turned 30 and met this really groovy girl and, after 5 years of marriage... well... things got out of hand. The relationship turned physical, what can I say? They warned us in Sunday School about this sort of thing, but the temptation was just too much.

Then, one morning, I start puking. I can't stop. Puke, puke, puke. So Julie takes me to the doctor...

"I know you've told me otherwise, but I know the two of you have been having sexual relations. And I know this because Julie here is...

(cue music)

pregnant!"

(cue me puking again)

(Cue me passing out, waking up, and puking again)

But this time, the doctor didn't stop...

"But that's not all, there's something you should know!"

(cut to extreme close up of Julie, then me)

"Julie here is pregnant...

(cue even more music)

"TWICE!"

(more puking, more fainting, etc.)

So its twins. Due around the end of July or the beginning of August.

We think they'll be able to pay their own way by participating in all those scientific experiments they need twins for.

We're thinking of conducting our own: breast feed one, bottle feed another and see if the bottle fed one becomes a killer or anything like that.

We've still got some time to figure that one out, but feel free to post suggested experiments in the "comments" area.

Julie is fine and has no morning sickness, which is extremely rare for twins. But I'm still puking quite a bit.

But that's to be expected.