It seems like just yesterday you were sitting in our living
room, scattering Legos everywhere, and asking if you could use the iPad. Those
were good times for us, and many happy memories remain.
But alas, you’ve run off to Camp Learned-A-Lot and it sounds
as if you have been having a great time. While you’ve been gone, we’ve been
occupying our time by making giant replicas of you and Nathan. We’ve
constructed them out of rolled up newspapers and articles of clothing you
didn’t pack off with you. Newspaper Nathan and William are not very good at
eating their breakfast in the morning. Our table now has piles of uneaten eggs
and honey toast that are starting to attract ants. However, Eliza likes the
fact that Newspaper Nathan and William are good at sharing and always want to
play princess and watch “Olivia.” So the experiment is not a complete failure.
In your absence, we have decided to rent your room out to a
nice family from Latvia. There is a father named Edgars, and a mother named
Inga. They have five children, three boys named Ivars, Juris, and little Edgars
Jr, and girls named Rita and Scratchy. The rent they pay has made us rich
beyond our wildest dreams, but there have been some considerable drawbacks.
First off, our new Latvian friends consume an enormous
amount of grey peas and bacon. I’m told it’s Latvia’s national dish, but it
looks quite disgusting and grey peas are almost impossible to find in Oregon.
Also, they leave caraway cheese around the house. It’s this traditional yellow
cheese with little seeds inside. It has a strong smell and I fear our whole
house will smell like this cheese by the time you return. They’ve also taken to
singing the Latvian national anthem during the early morning hours. While I’m
sure their national anthem is a song they’re very proud of, I can assure you
it’s not the sort of tune you want waking you up at 3 in the morning.
Needless to say, we miss you dearly and can’t wait for your
return from camp. We’re interested to hear about the things you’ve been
learning and hope you’ve been having good experiences there. We are proud to
call you our son.
P.S. Don’t forget to write.
P.P.S. Please take at least one shower while at camp.
P.P.P.S. Why is there air?
Will's reaction to this letter was... well... not all that positive, Both in writing, and in person, Will said the letter was "confusing" and handed it back to me, even when I said it was for him and he should keep it.