SHAHARA SIMMONS... THE PHOTO!

No more than 24 hours after I asked in this space if anyone knew of a picture of Shahara Simmons, my dear friend and former boss Darrell emails me a photo. Turns out, it isn't too hard to find, just type the woman's name into a Google image search, and this page comes up. Oh well.

For those just tuning in, Shahara Simmons is the wife of LA Clippers star Elton Brand and the source of an unusually large number of search engine hits to this blog. Her name appeared in the comments section of a post I wrote about 17 months ago. The post was about an LA Clippers baseball cap I used to own. Since then, more than 100 people have come to this site looking for Sharaha Simmons information, and have left largely empty handed.

But two days ago I posted a message I received from Sharara's cousin. It said Ms. Simmons was a beautiful person who will go far in life. Now, let's take a look at a picture of this woman.

Her cousin wasn't joking. Shahara Simmons is, indeed, a beautiful woman. She and Elton make a striking couple.

There isn't a Wikipedia entry on her, but we've already learned that she's a Duke grad. Other than that, she is a mystery. But at least people that come here searching for her will find a little more information than they did before.

Up Next: My obsession for the Faroe Islands continues.

200

I don't celebrate anniversaries here, because the history of this blog makes them kind of meaningless. But I do recognize milestones, and we hit a big one today. This humble bit of scribbling you're reading right now is the 200th post to this site. It took five years to reach 100 posts, so I'm quite pleased that it only took 11 months to double that figure.

Looking over the past 100 posts, one certain event has dominated this space. When I posted my 100 update, I was most concerned with whether to create a separate blog to showcase baby pictures and keep this space more about humor writing and the like. Instead, this site has become an uneasy marriage between the two. The irony is that the baby pics probably drive more traffic to this site than anything else. Oh well. I still sometimes think about segregating the two into separate blogs. I'll let you know when I hit post #300.

I've been pouring over my Google Analytics stats with an intensity that would suggest I have a mental condition that could be controlled with some kind of medication. This is actually sort funny because there really aren't all that many numbers to crunch when you write a blog that attracts 50-150 hits per day.

Apparently, there still a lot of people who come to this site looking for pictures of Shahara Simmons, who was the girlfriend of LA Clippers star Elton Brand. She may actually be his wife now. Besides my first and last names, "Shahara Simmons" is the most popular search term that drives traffic here. That's a shame, because I know almost nothing about her and there's really only one mention of her in the comments section of an old post.

Several months ago, the following message was left in the comments section by a relative of Shahara's:

TO THE QUESTION OF WHO IS SHAHARA SIMMONS: SHE IS MY FIRST COUSIN,WHOSE REAL NAME IS SENACA SHAHARA SIMMONS. BORN AND RAISED IN NEWARK NEW JERSEY. STRAIGHT "A" STUDENT AND ALUM OF DUKE. SHE HAS A SISTER NAME ASHLEY. SHAHARA IS JUST A BEAUTIFUL DOWN TO EARTH YOUNG WOMAN WHO LOVES HER FAMILY. ELTON COULD NOT HAVE PICKED A BETTER CHOICE FOR A WIFE AND PARTNER. THOSE TWO WILL GO FAR AND PROSPER IN LIFE.

I LOVE YOU "SENNIE."

While I know little about either of them, I do hope Elton and Shahara do prosper in life. I'm assuming there are no photos of Ms. Simmons online, and that's why people keep coming here looking for one. If anyone has any photos of Shahara Simmons, please send one and I'll post it. I just hate for people to leave here disappointed.

Perhaps my favorite thing about maintaining a blog is seeing where hits come from. Google Analytics has a map function that lays this out in brilliant detail. Since last July, this blog has seen hits from 66 countries including Cambodia, Romania, South Africa, Uruguay, Zambia, and Hungary. While many of these hits can be chalked up to the vast and random nature of the Internet, there are some regular foreign readers out there, and I think that's pretty cool. Sort of like having a set of international pen pals.

Even when the random hits come, that's kind of fun, too. Two months ago, I was looking at my Google Analytics map and saw a tiny orange dot in the middle of the North Atlantic. I clicked on it and found that I had gotten a hit from the Faroe Islands. I was fascinated because, despite the fact that I'm a huge map geek, I had never heard of the Faroe Islands. A few hours of research later, I learned the Faroes are an semi-independent set of islands about halfway between Iceland and Norway. They have their own language, their own flag, and a stunning green windswept landscape. I actually signed up to get their tourist brochure. One week later, it arrived in the mail. I'd actually like to go there one day. They've got a summer music festival that looks quite cool. (Note to Faroe Islands Tourism Board: fly me out there and I'd be happy to write a lovely piece about the event.)

This post has gone on much too long, but all I really wanted to do here is thank you, the small little band of people scattered across the world who visit here from time to time.

I'll most more baby pictures soon, I promise.

CLIPPERS NATION

About 6 years ago, I bought a Los Angeles Clippers hat. I made this provocative purchase for several reasons.

1. I needed a way to hide my hair when I didn’t shower in the mornings.

2. I lived in Los Angeles at the time

3. I didn’t like the Lakers (mostly the gold and purple colors)

4. The hat had a very cool, simple, classical design (black hat, white “LA,” with a larger red “C” on it)

Notice that nowhere in that list was “I’m a fan of the Los Angeles Clippers.” It’s nothing personal, really. I like underdogs, and I lived in LA, so I guess I was sort of a Clippers fan when I bought the hat. But it would be overreaching to say that I’m a fan of any sport. I’ve never really gotten into sports.

The most obvious reason is that I suck at sports, probably because I’m the biggest klutz on earth. I do not move with grace and majesty through this world. Instead, I go through life with a gait one would usually associate with a boy in early pubescence. But I’m 36 now. I was supposed to outgrow that, right?

So it goes without saying that I didn’t go in the early rounds of the kickball draft in the 6th grade. Likewise, my services weren’t usually called for when lacrosse season rolled around each spring.

Now that I think of it, I wasn’t all that great a student back in those days, so I couldn’t even take comfort in thinking I was smarter than those jocks. Not an athlete, or a mathlete. Rather a pathetic state of affairs, I think. But it has nothing to do with the subject of this post which is, if I recall my Clippers hat.

So I got this Clippers hat, and I started wearing it around LA. And pretty soon I learned that I would have to become a Clippers fan, or at least be able to speak about the team and not sound retarded. By donning this simple headgear, I had inadvertently entered a secret society, a society of misfits.

The Clippers fan is a rare creature, even in Los Angeles. So if one detects another, they can behave like old friends. I had my first experience with this when I walked into a bakery wearing my Clippers hat.

Bakery Guy: “Maggette showed the Pistons a thing or two last night.”

Me: Uh… he sure did. I… you know… it’s about time someone showed the Pistons something.

After that less-than-convincing exchange, I figured I had better at least glance at the sports page before putting that hat on again.

So I did, and not a moment too soon. Those Clippers fans, they’ll walk up to you right on the street.

Guy on Street: “Were they on last night or what?”

Me: “I’m telling you, Brand is a bulldozer.”

I’m still not exactly sure what that sentence means, but it was enough to get me through short exchanges.

Then I moved to Texarkana, and nobody cared about the hat at all, except to say, “That hat is for the Louisiana what?”

But now I’m back on the west coast, and there are all sorts of closet Clippers fans here. And I know who they are, because they walk up to me and say the same thing.

“This could be the year.”

Then they give me a serious, knowing, look.

And they may be on to something. The Clippers are actually having a good season. They’re second in their division now, and they may actually make the playoffs for the first time in recent memory. (I know this because I looked it up online after several “this could be the year” encounters.)

So when I get that comment and the serious look, I give them the serious look right back, then arch an eyebrow and give them a thumbs up. I’ve done this enough times that I’m almost not a fraud. Sure, I’ve only seen one Clippers game in my life, and that’s only because a friend bought me a ticket. But I’ve spent so much time dishing out vague complements to the team, that I actually may be a fan… in an odd sort of way.

Fact is, I do hope they go to the playoffs this year. Heck, I hope they sweep the finals. How can they not? Brand is a bulldozer.

Note: My Clippers hat is quickly fading, and will one day have to be retired. I’ve already purchased a Giant Robot hat as a backup. I still have to do more research before I’m able to knowingly converse with the Asian hipsters that are likely to confront me once I start wearing it.