Tuesday, January 17, 2006


When I lived in LA, I'd hear that question a lot. It was usually directed towards some woman whose breasts were too good to be true. But now those questions are being directed at me and my wife, and it has nothing to do with our breasts.

"You're having twins? Are they natural?"

Natural twins. From what I can tell, all twins seem a bit unnatural to me. Sort of like this odd, multiplying parasite. You wake up one day and your wife is a baby vending machine, what can possibly be natural about that?

But what they really want to know is if we corked the bat, so to speak. It seems just about everyone is on fertility drugs these days, and some of these drugs can cause a woman's ovaries to fire like an automatic weapon.

But as fate would have it, there were no drugs involved in the conception of these two kids. It was just dumb luck, coupled with the fact that I am an extremely potent man.

That's all.

P.S. I promise a non-baby-related post to this site by the end of the week.


At 6:57 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gosh, you never know. How to define "natural?" I have an acquaintence who would love to live on the Isle of Lesbos. She and her partner decided to reproduce. Of course, there are biological challenges involved in the process.
So, they convinced the partner's actual brother to provide the necessary elements for, how should I put this...? implementation.
So, they all went to the brother-sister's parents' home. They were taking readings (body temp, ovulation, etc...)
At the moment of truth, adult brother retires to his boyhood bedroom and produces the necessary elements (insert your own joke or dime-store psyhcological reference here).
I'm unclear on how the boys swam across the hall, except that it involved (not making this up) a turkey baster.
Sister and her soon-to-be knocked up partner are in the girlhood bedroom. Sister inserts baster, boys swim, child conceived.
Now, I ask the tens of people who read Workman's Waste of Time...Is THAT natural?

At 8:17 am, Blogger Winter said...

Was the turkey baster organic?


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