SOMEONE STOP THIS MAN

So I've got this brother-in-law, let's call him "Dave." And he's got a scanner and a blog and an internet connection. He's also got a stack of photos lifted from our childhood.

This is quite a serious haul. My dad worked for Kodak for about 25 years and for most of that time, we got free film and developing. As a result, there are an inordinate number of pictures of my childhood and teen years in circulation. My departure for the junior prom was perhaps the most photographed event since the Kennedy assassination.

So every now and then "Dave" scans some of these photos and puts them on his blog. This has never been of much concern to me because I know for a fact that nobody reads his blog. It is, in fact, the one place to put the photos where you know nobody will see them.

But now things have gotten a little more serious. "Dave" is on facebook, and "Dave" is in a posting mood. In the past few days, the man has posted scores of photos that date back to the Carter Administration. Some of the early ones are harmless enough...

But cuteness is a fleeting thing. And puberty was most unkind to me. So when "Dave" posts photos from later on, it ain't pretty...And then there are some pictures for which there is no explanation at all...

These pictures are much more dangerous on facebook. Unlike "Dave's" blog, where they can rest in obscurity forever, facebook pictures get tagged with my name. Then they get put in my profile. And that means my friends can see them. Friends who have no idea just what I nerd I was during those dark days of puberty. Now it's out there. It's all out there and there's nothing I can do.

I have no doubt that the photos posted to facebook represent only the tip of the iceberg and I'm not anxious for anything else to surface. So let me send a message to "Dave," if that is your real name: Julie has a scanner, too, and one day I'll learn how to use it. And somewhere, deep in my piles of junk, I've got a prom photo of you. Hmmmm, who was your date that one year? Was it 1986? Perhaps '87? Who was your date that year? Ginger Green? I don't quite recall, but that sounds about right. It would be a shame of such a photo were to find its way onto your profile.

A shame indeed.