MY OWN PERSONAL BAILOUT

So I went to get my unemployment money today when I discovered a little something extra... $25 to be exact. It seems the stimulus bill passed in Washington includes an extra $25 per week for everyone on unemployment.

You know what this means, right? It means that I am so good at being unemployed that I've just gotten a raise! No one who knew me when I lived in Los Angeles will be surprised by this. I'm great at being unemployed.

Thanks, Barack! I won't let you down. I'll be the best unemployed person I can be!