THE FARTY BOYS

OK, so it’s been a while since I posted anything here, but give me a little space here? Have any of you parented twins? I didn’t think so. If you had twins, you’d be taking care of them right now, not messing around on the internet. I’m only messing around on the internet now because I’m a very bad parent.

But since last we spoke, some things have happened. First, they’ve grown bigger and fatter. In this picture, Nate appears to have grown so large that he’s prepared to eat Will.
But, of course, it’s just an optical illusion, they’re both the same size, see:
Also, the twins have moved out of our room, and not a moment too soon. There are several reasons why this is good news, most of which I won’t discuss on a website I know is frequented by my parents. But there are other reasons as well. First, sibling rivalry. They’re clearly getting on each other’s nerves.
Here we see Will trying to tell Nate the joke about the lactation nurse and the electric eel. He does this about 10 times a day, and Nate has clearly had enough of it. Were it not for his total lack of muscle control, I’m sure Nate would have smacked Will by now. I don’t need these two fighting in my room. They’ve got their own room. Fight there.

But the real reason why Will and Nate have been exiled to their own room has to do with their sleep volume. Put simple: they are very loud sleepers. They spend most of their all-too-brief brushes with slumber emitting a series grunts, gurgles, and clicks worthy of a dolphin. Every now and then, one will giggle like one of the guys in Bevis and Butthead. I don’t know how they sleep through that racket, because Julie and I sure couldn’t.

Worst of all, though, are the farts. They are long, loud, and pungent. And frequent, did I mention they’re frequent? Check out Will, he’s at it right now…
And so’s Nate…
If you ask them about it, they will act all shocked, like they don’t know what you’re talking about.
It should disgust me, and it does. But I’m looking ahead to the future. Perhaps they will use their flatulent talents for good instead of evil. I envision them, one day, solving mysteries under the name The Farty Boys. They will work with only two guiding principals: “whoever smell’t it dealt it” and “whoever denied it supplied it.” If they were ever involved with any diaper related cases, they would turn them over to Nancy Poo.

I think I smell an award winning set of children’s books coming.

In unrelated news, Will has become involved in the black power movement.
I keep telling him to stop that, or they’ll take his Olympic medals from him.