MORMON BEEFCAKE, SERVED HERE

This week a friend told me about a calendar coming out this year that features hunky Mormon missionaries. Well, not exactly hunky Mormon missionaries, they're not allowed to pose topless for calendars... or anything, really. Instead, it features hunky Mormons who were recently missionaries. One shot shows the RM (that's Mormon code for "returned missionary") dressed in a short sleeve white shirt and tie. In the next picture, that same guy is a buff, well oiled piece of man-meat.

Many years ago, I was a Mormon missionary in San Diego. Back then, I was told that Playgirl published a survey that found Mormon missionaries were the Second Sexiest Men In America. We lost the top spot to firefighters, but second place isn't all that bad when you consider the competition. Indeed, I did notice women paid much more attention to me once I put on the white shirt, tie, and black tag. (This was especially true in grocery stores, where that outfit could also mean you were a store manager.)

But aside from my anecdotal evidence, it appears the Men in White really are viewed as sex objects in certain circles. The folks that brought you South Park once made a movie where a Mormon missionary was recruited into becoming a (chaste) porn star. And gay cinema recently brought us "Latter Days" where some guy falls in love with a member of God's Army.

All this romantic longing despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that missionaries are only allowed contact with members of the opposite sex via handshake... and even that shouldn't last more than 3 seconds.

But getting back to this calender. The article says the topless guys got paid $500 to pose. Anyone who knows me knows I love $500, but I'm a bit past the age they're looking for in this project. But if they ever put out a "history's hottest" edition of the missionary calender, allow me to submit this gem featuring three newly returned missionaries... totally topless!

You can make out the $500 check to Matthew Workman. Nobody really cares about those other two guys.