FORGET PARIS

I was all set to pen my love letter to my new obsession: the Faroe Islands, but that will have to wait a few more days. Instead, I feel an urgent need to write about what must be someone elses new obsession: Paris Hilton.

I have long wondered exactly why anyone would pay attention to this woman. The phenomenon of being famous for being famous is puzzling one, but there is usually a formula. Take Zsa Zsa Gabor, for instance. She appeared in some films in the 1950s, got access to some cash and "Hollywood People," and soon she doing nothing more than making cameo appearances on the Love Boat. By the time she got arrested for slapping a cop in the 1980s, nobody could remember why she was famous. But the point is she actually did something at some point of her life that merited fame before her life went adrift. (This is likely where Britney Spears is headed.)

Then there's Paris. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should pay attention to her. She's a fairly skanky rich girl who has a thing for alcohol and bad taste in sexual partners. She can have anything she wants, but that's not enough, she also wants us to be obsessed with her. So she releases sex tapes of herself and frequents places where she knows photographers will be lurking and prances around half-naked on a sports car in an attempt to sell hamburgers. She doesn't do this because she needs the money. Instead, she covets our brainshare.

I've taken great pride in ignoring as much of Paris and her life as is possible when you work in the news biz. But I must admit I was riveted by media reports two weeks ago when Paris was released then thrown back in jail. But at least I have a degree of shame about it, unlike some people I know.

So Paris is in jail for just a few more days, and when she gets out, the media will scramble to plaster her on every single newscast, TV show, and magazine available. I've just learned that Paris will appear on Larry king once she's released. But I'm struck by a statement she released before she headed off to jail for a second time...

"I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq and other places around the world."

Ignore, if you can, the irony of this woman--who has spent her short adult life begging us to pay attention to her--expressing shock that people would take notice of the details of her life. Instead, let's take her at her word. Let's ignore Paris.

There are very few problems that will go away if you ignore them, but annoying famous people are the exception. Think of OJ Simpson, people eventually tired of him and you hardly hear anything about him anymore (all that nonsense about his book went away mercifully fast).

So lets do it, let's ignore Paris. We can do this. I had considered registering the domain ignoreparis.com (it's available) and launching some sort of online campaign. Alas, I don't have the web savvy to launch my own website. So instead, I'm asking you, fair reader, to make your own pledge to ignore Ms. Hilton. When you see her on TV, change the channel. If she's on the cover of your favorite magazine, don't buy it. Avoid the temptation to click on the link that says "Paris Converts to Islam While Jailed."

Don't worry about ruining her life. She's got all the money she needs, and she's quite capable of ruining her own life, thank you. So ignore Paris. Ignore her because, no matter how dim you are, she does not deserve one synapse in your brain. Ignore her because she has no talent. Ignore her because she's tarnished the good name of the most beautiful city in Europe.

The media blitz is coming. It will be loud and furious. But you can resist it. I know you can. Just repeat after me: I will ignore Paris...